This week I hit the wall.

I think it was Thursday afternoon. I just hit that point where I couldn’t do another thing and was ready to curl up into a ball. It’s the halfway point of term and the goalpost shifting just got to me.

It started on Monday when I discovered my definition of cancelled was different to my school’s. When I hear the word cancelled I think ‘an official notification that something will not occur’.

I discovered on Monday that my school’s definition of cancelled is ‘postponed and halved.’

I’m talking about Year 12’s final school-based assessment.

Of course, I was a little late to the zoom meeting the Friday before – because my Year 12s were already a bundle of nervous energy then and wanted to chat after class. So when I heard the word cancelled in the meeting, I took it at face value. How wrong I was.

Then of course, by Wednesday there’s the emotional energy you’ve got to expend over zoom with your class and maintain your professionalism while explaining to them how the exams are going to work… not that we’re 100% sure of it… but, yeah…. whateves…

And of course, you’ve got students typing into the chat:

“They said it was cancelled. It should be cancelled.”

“They’ve changed it 3 times already in the last 2 weeks. Why not one more time?”

And of course you have to sit there and nod and smile and attempt to channel positivity.

This is all, of course, when you’d prefer to be curled up in a ball.

And then you realise how much your students are a ball of stress. They seem to have lost all comprehension of anything you’ve taught them all year and the general ability to function.

What do I write with? Black pen. Can I use blue pen? You’ve got two weeks. Buy some black pens. Officeworks‘ click and collect is super fast (seriously, my students must think I have shares in Officeworks the amount I promote them).

What if my camera doesn’t work? My internet is poor. What if I drop out halfway through the exam? My house is noisy. I can’t find a quiet spot to do the exam. Other people are on the wifi…

Is it just me, or is cancelled sounding like a great idea right now?

I needed to just stop on the weekend. I sat down on the lounge. I had my Bible, journal and pen. I read a bit. I wrote a bit. I prayed a bit… I think I stared into space a bit at the same time.

I stopped. I had to.

It felt like the first time in 5 weeks.

I have to stop now and God says that’s more than OK.

Because there’s another 5 weeks to go: with exams, then all the marking that comes after it.

This is what I’m saying about cancelled being a great idea.

Because I don’t want to hit the wall for the rest of the term. I’d prefer to stay off the wall (thank-you Michael Jackson).

I discovered today that when you’ve hit the wall, to stay off the wall, you’ve got to stop it all and get into the ‘word’.

It’s more commonly called The Bible.

That’s my strategy for the rest of the term: cancelled, postponed or halved.

Yours in the word,

Alison